I’M HERE TO HELP YOU MOVE
FROM FEAR TO FREEDOM!
I didn’t feel like I had a voice. Didn’t know myself. I had no deep friendships (or any real friendships at all) because my shame kept my true self hidden. I took zero risks letting people get close to me. During those 30 years I:
I read so many books, magazines, blogs to try and help me fit into the life carved out for a good mother, a good wife.
I stayed at home with my kids, I made all the best food, read all the right parenting books, pretending to have it all together and judging those not up to my standards.
I went to bed each night desperately wanting a bigger life, knowing I wasn’t good enough, I hadn’t made enough progress. Tomorrow I would try harder…
Meanwhile my husband helped me as I suffered through one panic attack after another.
We spent months remodeling our tiny home all while I was pregnant with my third baby!
After my third daughter was born I was diagnosed with Lyme disease which sent me into one of the darkest periods of my life. It was in this darkness that the pressure of living up to perfection took it’s toll and I hit rock bottom – causing cracks to form all over my perfectly plated life.
When my sister was diagnosed with cancer I left my whole life (husband, kids, job, responsibilities) and went to stay with her in Thailand for a month.
There’s nothing quite like a month of sister talk, Thai massage and complete separation from your life to help you realize you built a life far from your hearts longings!
I had one of my last panic attacks in Thailand. I lay curled up in a ball dreading returning to my life and its structure I had built while in my prison. My sister (not so gently) suggested I figure out a solution or I may just end up with sick as well.